Bukkake News!!

I think I like Bukkake News more than I like Naked News. Its far more entertaining.

I wonder how easy it is for her to concentrate on her job of delivering the news. The whole video is just hilarious really! I think my favourite part is at 9 minutes where she still tries to read the news despite the guy trying to get a blow job off her. Her determination is admirable! Despite the fact that he shoves his love slug (yes, I now use that word on a regular basis) in her mouth, she never attempts to stop him or do the opposite and pay attention to him. Rather, she just…keeps trying to read the news.

I wonder if she can even read the news, what with the remains of male ejeculation all over her face. It would be a disaster if they got it [i]too much[/i] in her eyes too…clearly the males of Bukkake News must concentrate and aim very carefully. It would be a disaster if they missed completely and got it on the floor instead!

I really did wish I spoke Japanese (of course, I assume its japanese because of the title) because then I would know if she was making a tonne of innuendo jokes. I think it would go something like this~

Woman: “Today there will be a chance of showers…”

[Male ejeculates onto her face]

Woman: “A chance of hail coming through later…”

[Male throws pre-made frozen cubes of sperm at her face]

Woman: “And tomorrow it will be sunny!”

[Male looks really disappointed.]

BPL out!

I dedicate this to you ~smirk~
I’ll do a proper update soon!!

The question was: “Can you stop an orgasm by literally, choking the chicken?”

Replies included:

• “For a second i thought it was like…giving your dick a chinese burn or something.”
• “I wouldn’t know, I don’t fap anywhere that needs such a drastic action.”
• “…LOL!”

(I was considerate enough to leave out names so hah! Let me know your opinion and I’ll put it up too!)

So terribly helpful to me. Of course, I asked all parties to try it and see what happened, but for some reason I doubt they will. I have to wonder exactly what happens to all the built up tension when this happens – does it go away or does it get worse? I would think, logically, that it would lead to blue ball. Then again, logically, morning glory shouldn’t happen in the morning if erotic dreams haven’t been had.

I guess choking the chicken could be risky as well – most people flinch or jerk if someone opens the door when they’re doing something they don’t want others to see. That could end up rather….painful. And rather messy, if letting go of ones chicken mid-choke results in said climax and thus, explosion.

I really wish I had pictures to demonstrate such a thing…but I’m too lazy to go searching through the stashes of pr0n I has. XD

BPL, out!

I’m in love. <3

Realism in RP sex

Sex in real life is……messy? Well, its not pretty and sparkly or anything. But in RP it tends to be wonderful! There are hardly ever any awkward moments in RP sex, save for the ones we create. How often, I must ask, does someone go

Gary was pumping in and out of Sue, his manhood at its full legnth. Sue felt nothing, and was bored. “Is it in yet?” She questioned him, eyes half closed in a lazy manner. “Its been in for the past half an hour…can’t you feel,” Gary grunted, “this?” “No. Its just too small. Sorry.” Sue replied, rolling over onto the sweaty mess on the bed he’d created. Gary realized then, that he was limp and the act of sex had not been so much sex as rubbing his balls against her ass.

Alright so thats totally not really realistic but….YOU GET ME? There are totally not enough awkward moments during RP sex. There should be more. A lot more! But who would want to write about the struggles of putting on a condom? Thats just so…awkward! Not to mention the most awful thing of all; when the male withdraws his “manhood” and SOMEHOW THE SPERM MAGICALLY DISAPPEARS INTO THE AIR.

Actually, I once had a friend write about exactly that and I was so mortified it put me off rping smut for like, two weeks or something (which I might add, was her point entirely!) I’d quote it but zetaboards is dead at the moment so I can’t access it. To sum it up, it mentioned the cooling of bed juices and her character feeling satisfied at such an accomplishment. GROSS!! D:

What goes where?

I guess this partially goes back to realism…sex in real life is a little more awkward for the first time? In RP it seems to be flawless. RP Men Characters can figure out how to please women (and vice versa) in a matter of…wait, it doesn’t even take any time, they just know! MAGICALLY. Everyone is just so awesome at sex. >_> WHERE IS THE ACCIDENTAL MISSING OF HOLES AND STUFF >_> Gods I’m crude tonight. Forgive me, its 1am and I’m on a roll. >D I always wondered…if someone played a morbidly obese character, would the male be good at sex with her as well? Or would he be sticking things in the wrong flaps and grabbing the wrong boobs and stroking her third chin and…

Flowerly language

What happened to the days where a penis was called a penis? D: LIFE WAS SO MUCH SIMPLER BACK THEN. Now instead of grabbing a penis, a character will grab the velvety, inviting, fine example of manhood. PENISES ARE NOT PRETTY. D: I can’t even stress this T.T I don’t know anyone that has ever said, “Oh, my boyfriends penis is just sooo beautiful”…you know why? BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT D: They are veiny and er…NOT VELVETY? I guess manhood is okay? D: But manhood implies that it makes them more…manly which…is totally…not…true…*point lost* I MEAN THERE ARE DRAG QUEENS D: GAH what i’m trying to say is that the penis is not…MANHOOD ITSELF T.T I…don’t know. I should sleep D;

Analogies

THIS IS TOTALLY RELATED TO FLOWERLY LANGUAGE D: I HATE SEXUAL ANALOGIES. They are the MOST HORRIBLE THING EVER. Its all like…

He stuck his MANHOOD into her FLOWER, in a similar way that he had eaten chocolate earlier that day.

WELL THANKS FOR RUINING CHOCOLATE FOR ME ASSHOLE =[

The taste of sexual juices

SPERM/WOMANLY…SYRUPS DO NOT TASTE LIKE CHOCOLATE, OR HONEY, OR APPLES OR WHATEVER D: They do NOT taste sweet and delicious and leave whoever asking for more. D; I mean its pretty gross to write about characters gagging about the smell and taste but it’d be SO much more realistic than OMNOMNOM DELICIOUS FLOWER OF WOMANHOOD WOOT >D which is so commonnnnnnnnnn urggghhhh D; An example of what I alweiz see in smut

As Sue bobbed up and down on his circus pole, she could not help but poke out her tongue and slurp his delicious coffee tasting excitement. She smiled as she DEEP THROATED HIM and he gave her a thumbs up and groaned.

DEAR GOD D:

The avoidance of using any ‘real’ words

In RPs, god forbid anyone mention the word penis. Or boob. Or vagina. OH NO I WROTE THEM DOWN, EVERYTHING IS DOOMED NOW. Seriously though, its like people deliberately go out of their way to avoid the words? Things would be so much easier if people just said what they were doing out straight instead of going all FLOWERLY. Take the example I used above and I’ll write it out totally straight for you. =D

Sue gave the guy oral sex.

OH MY GOD I JUST SAVED 2 CHARACTERS FROM PAGES OF DESCRIBING SWALLOWING SPERMS. HURRRRRRRRRRRRAH XD ….

…BPL, out.

Just so you know, I have a new fondness for peaches now.  :3

(If you can’t read it, try saving the picture…you might need to magnify it to be able to read it properly.  Its worth it, I promise!)

For anyone interested, the book is called Call Me by Your Name, and is by Andre Aciman.  It is actually a fairly interesting read.

…Think about it.

Anyway, todays topic is on Forniphilia, or ‘the art of human furniture’, mainly because I found this charming video.  (Definately NOT SFW).  It got me thinking.  Is it really fun to pretend to be furniture all the time?  There are rules to this fetish, rules which aren’t supposed to be broken.  Once the ‘furniture’ has been set, the person is not allowed to move for an indefinite amount of time.

House of Gord has some great information on this, for those interested.  It also has some awesome pictures of forniphilia!  It all looks very painful ~ the ‘furniture’ is often tied up very tightly, gagged and left there for indefinate amounts of time.  From House of Gord:

How long can a woman be left as an item of furniture?
That depends entirely on the woman, the amount of contortion, the pressure, the type of bindings, and a host of other variables. In general a couple of hours maximum. The main factors seem to be that folded formats create pressure on the chest and therefore breathing is a concern. The others are circulation, and if she has a tendency to get joint freeze. Of course, if you are using her as a chair, there are other considerations. If you weigh 300 lbs, and she is around 130 lbs, it isn’t a good idea to rest your entire weight on her as she will not be able to breath.

Oh dear.  I suppose advice would  be to not choose a piece of ‘furniture’ who weighs less than you.  And to definately not try it if you weigh more than double your furnitures weight.

In the same train of thought as furries and otherkin, I wonder people take on the “persona” of the objects they are supposed to be?  I mean, if I can do it with soup, you can do it with anything.

Anyway, back on topic. Recently I looked up abortion for a fairly normal reason, and because I’m horribly perverted, I began to wonder whether there was a fetish associated with it. There is practically a fetish for everything, and I was like…well, why the hell not?

You’re gonna love these results.

From The Forum Site

boobagins:

From what i remember she said she had multiple abortions and she was thinking about getting another one because it is the only way she seems to be able to orgasm…she was also a prostitute.

Spellicoptor:

The idea of abortion surgery being viewed as a “playing god” sort of sexual rush for both parties involved (the man and the woman) is something that, as far as i know, has never been touched down upon.

MichiganGhoul:

From what I understand, the suction style abortion can cause a woman to have multiple orgasms.
Personally, while the FANTASY of a gal climaxing during an abortion procedure excites me, I can see where the literal deed (i.e. someone getting pregnant in real life for the sole purpose of aborting the fetus) can disturb some folks.

(Oh ho ho, I hope it does. That would be a riot and a half. 8D)

Someone then linked to this article in FOXnews.com

Whether it’s real or fake, the exhibit — which Shvarts has described as a large cube suspended from the ceiling and wrapped in layers of plastic that are smeared with blood samples from the purported miscarriages mixed with Vaseline — is slated to be unveiled next week.
Videos she claims show her experiencing induced miscarriages in her bathtub will be projected on the sides of the cube and the gallery walls.

Pretty fascinating stuff – getting multiple abortions for the sake of art? Or a fetish in disguise? The news site links to her writings on menstruation, which makes me wonder. Truly, thats just the start of it! After further research I found abortion fiction “based on fact”.

What I find odd is that she hasn’t simply written something like “You moan in pleasure as the tube sucks the fetus from you” (though that would be pretty amusing), but she write about the horrible-ness and guilt. After reading it and the comment the author wrote below, I couldn’t help but wonder if there is was a dead fetus fetish.

In case you’re wondering, no, I didn’t find anything on dead fetus fetish. However a lot of articles came up about pro-lifers having fetus fetish soooo…..you never know. There is probably someone out there who has it.

I hope I never meet them.

Surely everyone has seen this add. Its been on my TV constantly. Well if you happen to buy one, and you want to know how to have sex in it without getting cold, The Snuggie Sutra will tell you everything you need to know. It has awesome positions on it, but my favourite thing is that all the pictures and titles have descriptions to go with them.

She lies on the table. He wears the Snuggie on his front while the bottom end covers her. It’s just not a holiday without stuffing.

Oh its so witty! I hope this site goes places.